On part III of my processing when it comes to my situation with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, going down the rabbit hole of my thoughts and trying to make sense of the emotions, values, sensations, I found myself tangled in,  I went for a dive into my childhood memories,  I tried to piece together my need to do something, my need to fix, to control the uncontrollable. Certainly and obvious to us all by now, I couldn't let it go, but why? The two forces, the two arguments leading me in opposite directions both had value and some truth to them. To stand for family/to protect myself. In the end [is there ever an end?] the only way to find answer, at least, a temporary one, was to go through the pain, the tears, face to face with the feelings and the emotional scars and look at myself in the mirror that was all of this.